Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Thoughts of Naught


I oft think of dreaming.
Amid the galaxy of mind
Float my dreams,
Concepts
Questions
Beyond thought.
Understood
Answered
By all
And by none.

How can dreaming
Make the unknown
And non-existent
Normal?
Then why can’t my mind,
Being normal,
Comprehend the nothingness of
Nothing?

How can I think or dream
Without life, or thought
If all ends with naught?
What would I think?
Why must I think?
How did my being
Come into being
If that which exists not
Has no thought?

Though, what
Confuses the confused
The wise, the great and small
Is thinking of never ever
Truly existing at all.

Yet, here and now
I think,
Therefore I am.
So I pray and seek
That I will dream
To forever think.           

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Extraction: Prologue 1st Draft


Prologue
The hum of the computer equipment was all Henry could hear. It was a different kind of hum, a deep drone that slowly built up to a high pitch then slithered back down. Much more entertaining to listen to than the constant beeping of his life support equipment.
The doctors were engaged in a heated argument with several technicians. His son and daughter were in the corner listening. Doctor Shelby (or was it Doctor  Kelly? Henry never could remember) had tears in her eyes. She kept shaking her head. She paused to look at Henry and for a brief moment Henry wanted to cancel the whole thing.
Her frown penetrated his spirit. He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay and make her happy. She was in fact the only bright light of hope he had had for the past several years of his chemotherapy. He wanted to reach out and give her a hug. To comfort her. To reassure her that everything was all right.
Everything was not all right. Henry knew he was about to die. The therapy, in fact, made the symptoms worse. He couldn’t breathe without a machine. His heart needed a pacemaker. He lost control of his legs. But what Henry feared and hated the most was that he lost all of his taste buds. No more glorious sensations of eating tri steak, honey roasted ribs, country fried chicken, or even the sweet chocolate fudge chocolate cake.
The doctors had an IV keeping him alive. They told him it was just like steak, the same amount of proteins and fats; but he couldn’t taste it – it must have been a lie.
Something was moving Henry’s arm. He could tell they still couldn’t believe how hard they needed to touch him for his senses to register. It was doctor Shelby (or Doctor Kelly).
“I don’t like this idea, Henry." She had to strain to speak loudly while maintaining her composure. “Henry?”
“W-why?” Henry frowned at how hard he had to work in order to mouth this simple word.
“I don’t think it will work. It seems fake.”
“Mr. Georgenson, I can assure you that it works.” It sounded like a whisper from one of the computer technicians. He wore a dark purple polo shirt with three golden letters above his pocket; FOY – it stood for the Fountain Of Youth, their company’s best product. “Fifty-three people have already been successfully uploaded into the FountainOfYouth.exe. They love it, Mr. Georgenson. They love it.”
“It’s too good to be true. Science fiction, Henry. That’s what this is.” Doctor Shelby (or Kelly) was shaking. “I don’t want to lose you.”
 “Doctor,” he strained, “you and I both know how little time I have left.” Henry’s voice was raspy and faint. More of a whisper.
“Exactly. This is why we need to upload his mind now. If his condition worsens then we may not be able to copy his mental synapses in time.” The computer technician frowned. He appeared to be concerned for Henry’s condition, but Henry knew that if he died before this technician could do his job then the technician would lose a sale. He probably has a lot depending on the commission he’ll receive from just Henry’s purchase of this new technology – TheFountainOfYouth.exe.
“Don’t worry doctor.”
The doctor stiffened. She knew Henry’s decision. The technician produced from his pocket a form and held it on the side desk next to Henry. It was a form of consent.
“Father.” His daughter was crying. She of course opposed to him willing his soul over to a computer program. She was just like her mother. “Father, please. Let God be God and go to Him.”
“We both know I will not be permitted into Heaven.” Henry attempted to smile. It was his little joke with her. “Please let me try this out, and if it doesn’t work then you’ll have your wish.”
“That’s not what I meant, father.”
Henry began coughing uncontrollably. The doctor had to pat him on the chest slowly to ease the attack. She held a small glass of water to his lips that he quickly sipped down, spilling over his medical apron.
“Please father.” She was begging, just like when she used to beg for a special doll that talked for Christmas. Determined to be upset if she didn’t get what she wanted. In some ways she still hasn’t grown up.
“This is a chance to live without this damnable  illness-infested body!” Henry attempted to raise his voice, but only managed to squeak the last words. “Hook me up and let’s do this.”
“You understand the regulations and terms of agreement, Mr. Georgenson?” The technician knelt next to the bed with one hand on the form. “We are not liable if your body should pass away during the uploading process, nor do we have the capability to reverse any mental illness that might come from the procedure. You agree to these terms, Mr. Georgenson?”
Despite his continually decreasing control over his body, Henry managed to sign the form. His daughter left the room, head buried in her hands. She acted as if Henry had died that instant. Little did she know that he would live on forever with this new technology.
The technicians began removing countless cords and wires from the boxes that they had on a medical cart. A computer monitor was set up. A keyboard. Several large black cords were plugged into the power outlets lining the wall. A set of cords connected the computer to an alien-looking box with hundreds of dials and LED lights covering all sides of the box. A set of needles and suction cups and even what looked like a headband were all connected to a single large cord extending from the box.
The technicians cautiously spent half an hour positioning these wires and needles all over Henry’s head. The needles didn’t bother him, he was used to countless IVs and vaccines that several more needles would only tickle him. Finally they carefully positioned the headband over his eyes.
“Try to keep your eyes open.” They told him. There was an intricate array of smaller LED lights and even laser lights on the inside of the headband.
He heard someone typing on the keyboard. Exhilaration quickly enveloped Henry. Finally he was going to be somewhere where he could run again. Where he could laugh again without doubling over from abdominal pain. Where he could walk without his arthritis shaking. Where he could taste the rich coating on a chocolate cake. Even if it were all in a computer program sending messages to his brain; he was okay with that.
Besides wasn’t all of existence mental anyway? Isn’t that how he could sense anything in the first place? That’s what the nervous system does; sends signals to the brain informing it that one of the five senses is being used. Henry was trading one world of mental synapses for another with electronic signals.
“Okay, we’re ready to upload.” One of the technicians said.
“Good. Now, Mr. Georgenson. May we proceed? Is there anything you would like to say before we begin the uploading process?” It was the main technician again with his calm collected voice.
Henry smiled and tried to lift his hand in order to wave. “We’ll stay in touch, Stephen, my son. Come talk to me often.” He paused to suppress a sob. “I love you and tell your sister that I’ll be all right.”
“I will. Goodbye Dad.”
“Okay young man, Mr. Fountain Technician sir, start us up.” Henry’s excitement bubbled over into his voice. It was giddy and light.
A few more keys were typed and the slow hum from the equipment began to speed up. The noise grew louder and became a high pitch that Henry could barely hear anymore.
A slight tingle sensation began at the top of his head. The lights inside the headband began flickering. Henry flinched from the lights and instinctively closed his eyes.
“Eyes open!” Henry strained to open them. Anticipation kept them open. A new world was on the other side of these lights. A never-ending world. A world without pain. A world where …

Sunday, September 4, 2011

One of the Blind I Am Not


One of the blind, I am not.
I limp not nor do I faint
No evil spirit in or out
Neither am I ill or sick
My skin is whole and well
My loved ones and I, alive
I can speak and write and tell.
Yea, my wrong tis not notable
But one who heals is here
Giving sight to all who sees not,
Strengthening the lame with care
Freeing the souls from devils and demons
Healing both leper and the sick
Giving life to those who sleep
Putting words in mouths sealed thick
Even opening the long closed ears
How can I dare attempt to try
To ask His help for me
How would He even hear my cry
To heal my heart from this scar
I weep no, but pain I feel
A commandment I’ve transgressed
The penalty and hurt is real
But, outwards tis unseen
My sin boils within my heart
Oh, how my soul longs for freedom
From guilt, and anguish for a start
This endless torment and torture
I wish oh wish He’d come
I wish He’d rid me of this
But alas, He’s too busy for one
And alas there’s too many to heal
Why would he waste time on me?
What would it prove?
How could he even make me free?
But who would and could?
He stops, and, looks my way
I cannot believe it
He comes to me to say:
“My son, know ye who am I?”
My soul jumps with this thought
So I reply with all my being
“Thou art He, the son of God
And I am unworthy in thy presence
But, please I ask of you, if thou wilt
Save me from what ails me
Remove from me this small pain and guilt
But if not, heal those with greater need.”
He smiles and reaches out his hand
I grasp his as he explains
“My son, I say t thee, stand
for thou has faith and hope and charity
Though ye may not be blind
            Nor lame
                        Nor possessed
                                    Nor sick
                                                Nor leper
                                                            Nor dead
                                                                        Nor mute
Ye have been found in greater need than these
Therefore thy faith hath made thee whole
And thy sins are forgiven thee
Be of good cheer, and sin no more”
Tear upon tear, full of gladness
My heart is healed and whole
Empty of anguish and now guiltless
Thanks to my Lord on High
He healed me, He heals me, and He will always heal me
For He is my Savior and my Lord and my Healer
He healed me.

Is My Faith Strong Enough?


The road has been rough
Full of temptations tough.
With sun and wickedness
To repentance and gladness

Being born in the church
And, early, learning the word
With borrowed faith and light
I follow trying to choose the right

I hope someday along the road
I might develop faith of my own
With a grand conversion story
Of how I found my testimony.

But alas my story differs
From that of a convert
Who knows the difference
And has an amazing experience

Because others besides me fell away
Is why I tremble here today
“Is my faith strong enough?
Do I have the needed love?”

I don’t even remember
When I became a member
Or why, with my father
Did I enter the water

But here I am, look at me
My faith was a borrowed seed
Slowly growing within me
And now it’s an enormous tree

I know this to be true
Not just for me, but for you
We may not be the lost sheep
Or even the humble or the meek

But if we do our best
Putting our faith to the test
With or without an experience
The Lord will make up the difference

So now let us together comprehend
This is how to endure to the end

Oh, Do I Wish I Were Special


Oh, do I wish I were special
Full of wonderful talents
So that I might be recognized.
In this, I would be thankful.

I wish I were an Olympic runner
Passing my opponents and fears
Until I become the victor
With this, life would be better.

I wish I were the smartest,
Needing no schoolwork
To figure out the worlds problems
With this, from work I could rest.

I wish I could be another Mozart
Playing my sorrows and cares away
Making millions with my music
With this, joy would enter my heart.

I wish I were playing for the NFL
Where everyone would know my name
Because of a 100 yard touchdown
With this, all would be well.

But I forget to realize

I need not to win the gold medal
I need not to ace all my tests
I need not to write a masterpiece or two
I need not to wear a pro jersey

I need not these things … to be special
I have my own talents and strengths
That makes me, the unique me
In this, I am eternally grateful.

Ready to Play


A boy, full of hope,
Asked coach Ray;
“Can I suit up?
I want to play!”

The coach smiled
And looked at his paper.
“See here kid,
You’re on the roster”

The boy leaped for joy
And ran back home
So happy, this little boy,
That he told his mom,

“It was like a dream,
It’s such a great day.
I’m on the team,
I will go and play!”

A game rolled along
His stomach wrenched,
But the time was wrong
From he sat the bench.

The next one soon came
He cheered loud and hard,
No play time this game.
But he asked with all his heart;

“I’ve been feeling low,
What must I say?
Let me in coach,
I’m ready to play!"

Coach then told him,
“I’m truly sorry,
You’ll get to go in
Don’t you worry.”

Games three and four,
Both came and went.
The boy’s team scores
While he warms the bench.

Wearing the ninety-two
He’ll ask all day
“Let me show you,
I’m ready to play!”

The boy doesn’t give up,
He persists again.
The coach looks up
And begins to grin.

The season’s almost over,
The last game begins
The coach walks over
And lifts the boy’s chin,

“We’re down by one,
This is the last play.
Get in there son!
You’re ready to play.”

Hope in Success


HOPE is courageously waking up everyday.
COURAGE is in a wisely prepared mind.
WISDOM is through worn scriptures diligently used.
DILIGENCE is in tired but loving shoes.
LOVE is through confident hands of service.
CONFIDENCE is in a determined “will you.”
DETERMINATION is in sore but strong knuckles.
STRENGTH is through joyful feeble knees.
JOY is through successfully serving.
SUCCESS is in the black nametag.