Esrek gazed out into the campsite. Hundreds, no, thousands of men were weaving through the sea of tents. They were like ghosts; leaving. Deserting. A strong damp-dirt smell filled the night. Normally a good omen for a plentiful harvest.
“Where are they going, Troeg?”
“They are leaving, to fight for them.” Troeg never lifted his gaze from his hands. He was holding his dark-blue uniform. The colors of the Kingdom of Kanta.
Esrek was silent. Emptiness formed in his stomach. Something was terribly wrong.
“The surviving scout reported that the enemy is unbeatable.” He paused. “Tens of thousands of swordsmen, hundreds of cavalry, and eleven sorcerers.”
A knot formed in Esrek’s throat. “Sorcerers? How?”
“I didn’t believe it either.” He extended his arms as if to drop his uniform, then stopped. He pulled it back to his chest and closed his eyes. Then without warning he threw it to the ground.
“What are you doing?!”
He lifted his gaze to the moonlight. He silently stood up hefting his sword and scabbard in one hand, and a small pack in the other. “There is no way we can win this. I’d rather live to see another sunrise than die for a lost cause.”
“You too?” He knelt next to the mud-stained uniform. “You can’t leave me. I … I never even killed a man. Without you … Don’t leave me again.”
“Father didn’t love me as he did you, Esrek.” He snapped to face him. His voice was deep and harsh. “Besides, there was no wealth in his inheritance. No future.”
I loved you. Esrek wanted to say, but the tears were already coming that he quickly turned away. He couldn’t show his brother. Even though Troeg caused their mother such pain that she fell ill and died a month after he ran away, or that their father grew solemn and never smiled again. Esrek still loved his brother.
“Leave it in the past. Come. There’s no hope for Kanta.” His hand was outstretched towards Esrek.
Esrek sat, staring at his hand. The emptiness in his stomach grew to envelop his entire body. Nothing could fill it. Kanta was going to loose the battle. Half the army was defecting to fight against it.
“Why?” He sobbed. His voice quivered and shook. “Why are they leaving?”
“To live. To survive.” He paused. “To feed our families.”
“What?”
“They offered me double.” His voice became hushed. “I can’t stand to see my children miss a meal again.”
Esrek choked on the knot in his throat. Greed. All that these men really cared about, was money. Even my brother, Troeg.
“But your family lives in Kanta ...” Esrek glared up at Troeg, not caring for the tears slowly flowing down his cheeks.
“Don’t lecture me, Esrek.” His face grew stern again.
“You’re willing to fight against your own family?” They were traitors against their king. Traitors against their families.
“I know what I’m doing!” His voice strained. He quickly brought his hand to the hilt of his sword. “I fight for my family.”
Esrek slowly stood up. He could feel his heart beating faster.
“Which family?” He was shaking.
Troeg stood motionless. His breathing quickened. He brought his eyebrows together into a sharp angle.
It wont be too difficult for him to abandon his family, like he did mine. And for what? A few extra gold coins, maybe? It would cause just as much pain and hurt to them as he did to our parents.
Esrek glanced at his spear leaning up against his tent. But he couldn’t. He loved Troeg.
But.
“Enough. If you’re not with me; then I will not stay my sword on the battlefield.” He was frowning. Troeg was serious. As he always had been.
“Don’t hurt them, the way you did our family,” Esrek sobbed. “The way you did me.”
“Goodbye, little brother.” He shouldered his pack and turned to join the procession of deserters.
A wave of heat began to fill Esrek’s emptiness, coursing through his arms and legs. He grasped his spear, gazing at it with wide eyes. Then in one chaotic motion he stabbed his brother just below the shoulder blade. Troeg coughed loudly and fell, yanking the spear out of Esrek’s trembling hands. A silent moment passed between them. Eyes locked.
“I’m sorry big brother.” Esrek burst into another stream of tears. Kneeling he cradled Troeg’s head in his quivering arms. “I can’t let you hurt anyone else.”
Another sob.
“I loved you.”
I've been following your drafts and this is definitely the best one yet. I prefer knowing about the relationship between the two from the start. It gets my motions stirring earlier on. Also, the whole "defecting to the other side" is clearer now. Also, the addition of the "only being able to say 'I loved you' to his brother after he's dead" is interesting and powerful. It portrays an aspect of character and perhaps of human nature that makes the story more than just an interesting story. Suddenly, the story also comments on relationships and how it's easier to praise or be kind to those who have already passed on. I like it a lot when you have interesting images like the "sea of tents" that you have within the first line. Keep it up Scott! You're the man!
ReplyDeleteMy question for everyone is; Did you feel anything? If so what?
ReplyDeleteI guess I was trying to get across the feeling of fear from Esrek's perspective. Let me know if it worked or didn't.
I definitely like this one the most. The relationship/background given helped me connect more with Esrek. I don't know if I felt his fear as much as I did his sorrow and loyalty. I think right when he started thinking about the spear, I felt a little bit of that fear, but then I felt more of his sorrow for his brother. i definitely feel more with this draft than with any of the others, though. Keep up the great work!!!!
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, little brother (you better not stab me under my shoulder blade!!!)...I think what gets communicated through your narrative is that Esrek is superbly committed to the altruistic facet or facade of Kanta's just cause...perhaps because he has either been brainwashed by his father, or perhaps he is one of few (as portrayed) that correctly believes in the truth and just cause of Kanta. Either way, his commitment to justice overpowers his commitment to mercy...he is willing to do whatever is required to preserve the just cause of Kanta.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me a bit of Captain Moroni on the Book of Mormon...when he was obliged to put to death the king-men who would not support the cause of freedom nor hoist the Title of Liberty. He does this because his eternal perspective cannot be fogged by the emotional attachments to certain people--I believe that even Moroni would have put his own brother to death if his own brother were a King-man, refusing to take up arms in defense of freedom (see Alma 46 & 51).
To me, this shows that Esrek is of the same quality of character as is Moroni (see Alma 48:16)...which means that he also did not delight in the shedding of blood (Alma 48:11)....which, i suppose, does exhibit an unusual type of fear. I think it's more of a "I can't believe i'm doing this" fear, rather than a "oh crap, I'm scared!"...but i suppose his hesitance also cleverly illustrates his fear of having to be accountable for his brother's death at some future day...but he still felt justified.
Haha, my commentary is longer than the passage! I'm ridiculous. Great job on this, brother. I remember hearing "Kanta" in our young days of imagining things together. Stamp!
That was me in the above comment...I don't know why it showed up as "unknown"
ReplyDelete